Trying to get better.

Self improvement is key guys. All my life I've lived by a script .It's a weird secret, all the summers as a child, I'll spend writing down responses cause I didn't want to be that kid who is stupid . I didn't want out cause I didn't talk .A counsellor at school told me I didn't answer people right away cause I was thinking in my head . Maybe she wanted to make me think I was smart that way. After so much thought in the coming weeks, I realized maybe I should have responded "No Ma'am, it's cause I don't think ,. It's cause I go blank ."

Haven't you heard motivational speakers tell you that your mind is the most powerful thing out there and you can be the richest man on earth if you just put your mind into it and all you can think is "Then why aren't you filthy rich mister? Why do you waste your energy on these lousy speaches" I really used to think like that, I don't know about you . But now I guess I realize how vile we humans are, to disregard truth like that.

Flashback to first para, I was shifted to another class in fifth grade and this really quiet, secretly funny ,food loving weird panda of a person saw a perfect fifth grade kid, with Harry potter glasses and all the attitude a fifth grader can garner. Now that I think about it, he was not that cool, just an ordinary kid but Man I was so infctuated ,and what did I do ,I read all the self improvement stuff out there, I practised my responses so much that it felt automatic.. almost. And my first thought to every question was 'oh I know this!'  

Though I managed to make friends, the dumbfuck Harry potter kid fell in love with my then close girl friend and that love story , if you can call it that,ended after a few many more years of wishing on him.

But that's not the point guys, the point is I got better. I didn't have to try to respond . It came automatically . All hail the power of the strong mind people. And now, when I'm in college, sometimes I see people who do what I did then, I hear their responses and I see myself in their eyes and I wanna tell them that all this can change. 

But then, my mind goes blank.