And I drown myself again
But it’s quite different this time
It is more mature I feel
Every time I want to run away
From these thoughts
I find a distraction
Which eventually turns out to be
The next reason I run away.
No I’m not working on myself
And trying to get over whatever phase of depression this is.
I honestly don’t know how to do that.
Instead I’m working on other people
It’s almost like derealization.
You take yourself out of your body
See yourself in third person
And you start doubling down to whatever
People want you to be.
Everything is fine as long as you don’t think about it.
As long as I find solace in this servitude .
I shall make do with this.
I will fit all my thoughts into a small box
And throw it into the ocean
Where it will free float and
I will sleep
without a single dream.
Pitch black and pin point.
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