Sunday, 4 December 2022

Anger management

90 days to neet ,my wallpaper countdown reads.

Heyy come out.

I smile and closed my tablet and went outside . We went to the beach today. I felt so fresh.  I haven't seen the sun in so many days .
It was around sunset and the sky had a purple hue. So beautiful. I looked over and you were trying to capture the sunset . 
'Can I use your shoulder as a camera stand'
"Yeahh why not. " I smiled for nobody.

The food is taking forever to reach and you're still editing that photo. I wait for you to say something.  Then I say something about how boring my classes are.  I ask about your day.  You murmur something, trying to get the color grading right. I look  around , my freshness fading a bit. You're telling me about your grandma while you transfer photos to your phone and also keeping track of the football score. And you start telling me about the game.  So I ask you what happened to the grandmother , and you seem to have forgotten what you were talking about. 
My undivided attention feels wasted on you. You take a call in between .I curse my digital detox gurus because I didn't have a single entertainment app with me. 

 Don't you think it's so pretty? I ask after . And you nod in between your tasks . What a waste of expensive mascara. I feel angry at you for not even looking at me, at myself for skipping that class,  and the food that took an hour to arrive, . You stopped talking all together and was busy with I'm not sure what. My class timer went off , I've missed another class . 

My pent-up anger burst and the sea turned red, the plates went flying, and I threw your phone to the sea. And stormed out of the place.  

Breathe in and count to ten.

I looked at you again. 
'Do you wanna go have juice elsewhere?' I ask not expecting a response 
'What?' 
"Mhmm ' I shrugged it off,  I didn't want juice . I wanted to get out of this pretty place.

I wanted to go back to my tiny reading room where I can lie down and sleep sometimes when I'm bored . And cry when I'm angry . And eat when I'm stressed.


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