Butt dial

I drunk dial you everyday. Except I don't drink now,  and we are still together .

It's just force of habit. 

Almost like I unlock my phone and start calling you and I realize this. And it's too late now. 

But you've got me covered.

 You don't pick up.

My heart finds irrelevant things to focus on and my brain can't adapt.

And I'm in the middle, 

Waiting for someone to hold my hand

And walk me through. 

Anger management

90 days to neet ,my wallpaper countdown reads.

Heyy come out.

I smile and closed my tablet and went outside . We went to the beach today. I felt so fresh.  I haven't seen the sun in so many days .

It was around sunset and the sky had a purple hue. So beautiful. I looked over and you were trying to capture the sunset . 

'Can I use your shoulder as a camera stand'

"Yeahh why not. " I smiled for nobody.

The food is taking forever to reach and you're still editing that photo. I wait for you to say something.  Then I say something about how boring my classes are.  I ask about your day.  You murmur something, trying to get the color grading right. I look  around , my freshness fading a bit. You're telling me about your grandma while you transfer photos to your phone and also keeping track of the football score. And you start telling me about the game.  So I ask you what happened to the grandmother , and you seem to have forgotten what you were talking about. 

My undivided attention feels wasted on you. You take a call in between .I curse my digital detox gurus because I didn't have a single entertainment app with me. 

 Don't you think it's so pretty? I ask after . And you nod in between your tasks . What a waste of expensive mascara. I feel angry at you for not even looking at me, at myself for skipping that class,  and the food that took an hour to arrive, . You stopped talking all together and was busy with I'm not sure what. My class timer went off , I've missed another class . 

My pent-up anger burst and the sea turned red, the plates went flying, and I threw your phone to the sea. And stormed out of the place.  

Breathe in and count to ten.

I looked at you again. 

'Do you wanna go have juice elsewhere?' I ask not expecting a response 

'What?' 

"Mhmm ' I shrugged it off,  I didn't want juice . I wanted to get out of this pretty place.

I wanted to go back to my tiny reading room where I can lie down and sleep sometimes when I'm bored . And cry when I'm angry . And eat when I'm stressed.