Pavlov and I

I've always had the best of everything. 

I ask for it I get it.

Except for the things I really wanted or the

people I really loved .

So everytime I feel like I need something,  I get instantly scared because I'm not used to getting what I truly desire. 

I get alternatives instead .

But I'm too immature to value the alternatives. 

Because hey God, give me what I want. 

And I imagine God to say something like

Hey kid, work for it. 

Does God really work that way? Is it like crime and punishment.

Are we like Pavlov and his conditioned dog. And God is Pavlov.

I just need to have some discipline  and get out of this place for good when the time comes.  

I really don't know man.  I don't have anyone to talk to. It's draining for me to talk to everyone I call my friends.  Because I don't share what I want to share.  Instead i make fun of my friends for what they do and criticize them to a point they leave. 

I realize how fucked up that is. It's like the dog knows that it's just the bell and not the food.  But what the hell.

Let's go wagging our tails for the things that we don't get.