God has wonderful wonderful plans for you, you idiot.

You know the heart is like so full of love and affection. There is always enough to go around. Love anyone you want. Nobody cares except you. You are your mental health . You're your lucky charm. 

You go get what is yours.

How am I so good at pushing away people.

My friend tells me I do this so I can feel the gratification while I pull them back. But maybe he doesn't know that I am not really as good at pulling as I am at pushing.

Let me get my defences straight.

I don't want people to leave.

I'm scared I'll fall in love hence I'm slow to accept love.

I act so fucking fragile all the time.

I should treat people like people .

I don't know why I act like I'm the only person who has feelings here.

Did empathy die.

Don't despise people because you can't explain to them what's going on with you.

But on the bright side, I'm trying okay? Cause it gets lonely without you. 

I'll let you in and not complain.

I'll hear you out and some day I'll pull more than I push .

Or maybe I'll push so that I can pull myself near you .

An ocean of thoughts

I wonder what happens when people read a lot about a lot of things. Like I wanted to and still wants to be a well read person so I will have an idea about everything happening around me. But wouldn't that mean , when we actually get an idea of our own , won't we have the feeling we've read this somewhere. That this is not really ours. 

Everything has already been said and done? And no story is really new , it's just a variation of something else. What a boring feeling would that be.

Or do you think no-one can actually achieve that level of well readness (I'm sorry I couldn't get the exact word).

I don't know if we all do this. But the worst thing about me is that I try to change the things I cannot control. And I don't accept the things even if it's right in front of me, screaming.

Instead I try to change it. I strive for that which I cannot get . And I get hurt again for the same fucking thing.

 

I'm the only one that can help me. If I can't get this inside that thick skull of mine. I'm not going anywhere.

I'm a poet when I think of you.

But there are so many things I fall short in.

So help me get there.

Cause we'd be good

 together .

New light

In a universe I built in my head,

There live souls ,

And souls feed on light, as do humans on oxygen.

The scene gets darker 

When we are not our happiest self .

The souls that need new light die 

And are reborn .

Aren't we all just lost souls looking for new light.