This is so frustrating. All you wanna do is go out, chill, travel , flirt, party, read a book.
Oh!...I don't know. I can't concentrate. I want to live my life. This is college. When do I get to live.

You can't really be happy if you don't have time to do what really makes you happy. Cause girl, you're in med school. You can't afford to fail .

Exams everyday. But dear dedicated reader, who read the things I wrote while in pre med. This is all I ever wanted back then. And here I am hating it. You don't really know what you wish for until you have it.

Ta ta .

You can't define certain states. Are you truly happy, brutally sad or just utterly confused?

Now that you're away. I have more space to think . I have time to reflect over things that happen. I don't easily get attached to anything, be it things or people . But once I get attached , it's difficult for me to wander off much. It takes more time to move on and find interest in other things. It's not impossible still . I'm learning to get used to new things. Slowly, but steadily.

It could be a good thing or a bad thing, sad thing or a happy thing. It's just the way you see it.

Second to everything

As I remember it, I've not told anyone about how important some things were to me. By were, you might mistake they are not so important to me anymore,. Well, they still hold a very special place in my organ of thought. But maybe not as important. Their importance is debatable.

Today is my happiest day. My saddest day. My day of growing. It was since 2009.

2009
Oh I didn't know today was his birthday!
I am too shy to wish.
Let me just smile .

2010
It's too sad I'm in a different class. I should probably wish him after school.
Oh, he is surrounded by so many people. We aren't friends anyway .

2011
Let me post this on his facebook at correct 12 . He might notice the time.
I'll try to look my best.

2012
Maybe I shouldn't wish. I'll just leave a post.

2013
We are in different schools. I'll give my friend a note saying ' Happy birthday. God bless'

2014
Tring tring
''hey! It's me Evelyn. Happy birthday!!''
'Which Evelyn?'
''eh, Evelyn .. Nevermind. Gotta go!''
Beep

Damn. The love of my life forgot me .

I really like this other guy. Maybe he is not the one.

2015
"Happy birthday!"
"Thank you!"
"See you soon .Bye!"
"Bye.."

2016
"Happy birthday. God bless! "
"Thank you! How's college? "
"Good. Bubye! "

2017
"Happy birthday. God bless!"
"Never miss a birthday"
"Never.Bye now."

2018
"Happy birthday!. God bless!"
"Hey. Long time!"
"Yes.i hope you're doing well!"
"Bye?"
"Haha bye!"

2019
Happy birthday.

Here's to a decade of never forgetting to wish. I grew up in between . Everyone did of course. Overcame a lot of childhood drama. Developed more adult drama. Adjusting with feeling second to everything, only to realize you're actually first in the things you don't acknowledge. You don't notice what you take for granted.

Thanks to my childhood crush. I learned a lot . I hope you find all the happiness in the world like I found mine. Well, most of it.

Hallucinate

My parents took me to an orphanage run school for my kg . They were firm believers that kids that young shouldn't be taught seriously or else they wouldn't be able to learn things on their own faster.I have this memory of the then MLA coming to our orphanage and giving everyone clothes, I got one too. A white stitching material. The MLA himself gave it to me and lifted me up . That was the cover photo for the next week's political magazine.

                          *******
Present day

At the dining room , we were talking about everything one talks there. I asked my mom if she had kept the cover photo of the magazine safe, if so I'd like to show my friends.
'What cover photo?' my mom almost sounded curious. Dad's face unreadable.
After telling the whole getting clothes from the MLA story, no one still had a clue.
'Stop cooking up funny stories ' everyone laughed it away, including me.

Get a grip, Evelyn.