I don't want a lover. I want a best friend.

Mood swings suck. We push away the people who love us for reasons we can't fathom. We complicate our lives. Mine so much to the point  I want to run away and start afresh. I don't know how a girl who used to be so chill with everything would turn out to be this sensitive and clingy. My  desire to be independent is stronger than ever yet I want company in everything I do. The lack of talent in expressing what I feel makes me lose the people I wanna keep.

I don't want a lover. As much as how it would be nice to have someone to go on dates with, hold hands with, cuddle with and even plan a future with.. Love is scary.

I want a best friend. Someone who I can laugh with. Share my insecurities with. Not be bothered about how dead I might look, or how stunning. Someone I can trust and share everything with. Someone who is the same level of crazy. And someone who in the end, I'll fall head over heels in love with.

Why study now.

I don't write posts like this. But it's 12 .20 at night and I've my first year mbbs exams coming up and I don't feel anywhere near studying.

I could spend the night listening to music or reading murakami instead of cramming up anatomy and biochemistry and what else. So why do I need to study apart from the obvious reasons​ of passing the exam so I don't waste my parents' money. But how can such a reason give me my much needed motivation for studying ?

I've thought about this before and I'm thinking about it now. People say life isn't the marks you get or the awards you collect. I don't disagree. But think about the inverse, if we don't study now , we'll do everything except that and enjoy the moment and seize the day, a decade from now .. Wouldn't we regret that we didn't utilise the time​when we had it?  Wouldn't we have to see our colleagues leading a better life? I know a cousin of mine who got married at 18 and living a happy married life according to my parents. She didn't pursue a higher education . It was her choice but wouldn't she atleast for a split second  think how if she got a chance, she would rethink the decision she took.

Okay most of us hated studying almost all our entire lives ( studying and learning are different) . But do we wish we have not studied and learnt the things we did learn in the end? Didn't all this make us a , if not better atleast a little more adept as a person.

Ok life if not about the marks but it is about how much you learnt from life. Struggle makes people stronger. So struggle your way to the top. And always always remember all smart people aren't successful, but people who are passionate and hard working are.

Go make your mark.