‎A million feelings.A thousand thoughts.A hundred memories. All for ONE person.

Thinking back..it was never easy for me either..barely survived & it still hurts..But i   kinda REALLY give out the impression of a person who pities broken hearts..i hate all those mushy love quotes..i look down upon all such in the pretense that i don't care about these silly things.They say those who appear to not care at all do care the most.Yeah ..its kinda the same story for me ..It makes me sad, jealous maybe that i never got the only single thing i ever wanted for this long.it even makes me cry sometimes,a drawback i am very ashamed of..
                 I thought i'd soon get over it..the pain,the ache..the sinking feeling...i thought i made a strong wall against all those empty feelings.
Today i chatted with an old used to be deep crush{i somehow still prefer used-to-be}...just casual stuff..about school opening, what he did all day,how he spends his free time.There was a lot of drama in my life which evolved around this guy.i still liked talking to him..[after a very long time]...Everything he said rang a bell, a sad sorta bell, nostalgia..(we used to be close).That's when it all came back.The feelings i kept buried deep down.happiness..jealousy..regret..anger..tears.. memories ..all those feelings overwhelming my entire being..As i earlier said..it was really casual stuff, he was trying to irritate me with silly stuff..but every stupid thing means a lot if you are talking to someone special.Realizing how much i missed him, how i felt dead without him..Life did change a lot ...
                        Slowly but steadily ,i felt my wall breaking.the reason why i could never get him loomed in the background.all those things i'd kept unsaid..i wanted to say all those to him..But being me, i wouldn't..too much pride in a single soul ? Yeah..
It was agony..the only thing u ever wanted is right before you but u do know that you can never have it.I can't properly explain whats its like..its like i was on that edge that separates insanity.I really wanted to fall..to put an end to it all.I  was soo close.
                       But then again school re-opens tomorrow..Another day[ i know..same shit ,different day :)] so filled that i wouldnt have time to mourn like this often.Yeah back to 6 'o clock no breakfast mornings..i should be thinking of something more cheerful, put myself together and be ready for another day..another year..and the rest of forever...
                      Just one thing was certain to me now..you never get over that kinda pain..it will always be there..that sinking feeling..you just get used to it .'Cause life's like that.