Irony.. ?

The bell rang. Everyone was packing up to go..I was unusually slow that day, I
felt like drifting within the line which lead to the school garages .To the left side of my line was the boys' line where I saw a classmate of mine walking with a Man U cap fixed in his head, his glasses reflecting the sunlight. For some bizarre reason, I find that kid easy to spot in a crowd of a million other idiots. He was looking at something or rather someone ...Having a bad habit of following eyes, I looked at what he was gazing at. There, a Nissan X-trail was slowing coming to a halt in the driveway and a girl was walking towards the car... a petite pretty girl. She got in .His eyes were following her. In his eyes, I saw something alien ,something I never see when he looked at others, something different , something ...happy.Our eyes somehow met ,we both looked away and both knew why he was looking at her...did it hurt? I don't know.

                              A north wind blew; I guess it suddenly blew some sense into me then. One more look at them and I finally believed it. I don't care...because falling in love ...is not my style. I turned away and went on, without another look.

I still remember this clearly , after three years two months and seven days...

Maybe this is what they mean by ''irony'' ...maybe 

‎A million feelings.A thousand thoughts.A hundred memories. All for ONE person.

Thinking back..it was never easy for me either..barely survived & it still hurts..But i   kinda REALLY give out the impression of a person who pities broken hearts..i hate all those mushy love quotes..i look down upon all such in the pretense that i don't care about these silly things.They say those who appear to not care at all do care the most.Yeah ..its kinda the same story for me ..It makes me sad, jealous maybe that i never got the only single thing i ever wanted for this long.it even makes me cry sometimes,a drawback i am very ashamed of..
                 I thought i'd soon get over it..the pain,the ache..the sinking feeling...i thought i made a strong wall against all those empty feelings.
Today i chatted with an old used to be deep crush{i somehow still prefer used-to-be}...just casual stuff..about school opening, what he did all day,how he spends his free time.There was a lot of drama in my life which evolved around this guy.i still liked talking to him..[after a very long time]...Everything he said rang a bell, a sad sorta bell, nostalgia..(we used to be close).That's when it all came back.The feelings i kept buried deep down.happiness..jealousy..regret..anger..tears.. memories ..all those feelings overwhelming my entire being..As i earlier said..it was really casual stuff, he was trying to irritate me with silly stuff..but every stupid thing means a lot if you are talking to someone special.Realizing how much i missed him, how i felt dead without him..Life did change a lot ...
                        Slowly but steadily ,i felt my wall breaking.the reason why i could never get him loomed in the background.all those things i'd kept unsaid..i wanted to say all those to him..But being me, i wouldn't..too much pride in a single soul ? Yeah..
It was agony..the only thing u ever wanted is right before you but u do know that you can never have it.I can't properly explain whats its like..its like i was on that edge that separates insanity.I really wanted to fall..to put an end to it all.I  was soo close.
                       But then again school re-opens tomorrow..Another day[ i know..same shit ,different day :)] so filled that i wouldnt have time to mourn like this often.Yeah back to 6 'o clock no breakfast mornings..i should be thinking of something more cheerful, put myself together and be ready for another day..another year..and the rest of forever...
                      Just one thing was certain to me now..you never get over that kinda pain..it will always be there..that sinking feeling..you just get used to it .'Cause life's like that.

Days stretched long...at some point they say we all feel it, this sunken feeling in us that drown us into depths of despair.As if life's not fast enough. Boredom? Not exactly. .there still exists a fine line of difference .Like that one time when you knew you had work to do and still you felt like your energy is being drained down a sink?.Like some part of you is missing.A huge part actually. And deep down inside ,you do know whats wrong..whats been keeping you .
                                       

Yeah... because life goes on^_~

Nothings ever build to last, not you, not me, nor anything else in this world. Still there are certain things in my life which I want to hold on to. Yet I know someday, I’ll have to let them go. So before everything turns a memory. Before I turn a memory .I wanna [I know,’want to’ sounds much more mature, but feeling really childish now ^^’] garner all those destinations my life took me to. So this is it [!!!], a home away from home, like a leaf in the wind, a drop of water in the Sahara, this is where I dump my thoughts and offload my mind.
                                    This is kinda my first article, the reason for this blog to come into existence is already there in the title, because life goes on ^_^

                                 I wanted to make this short... longer ones on the way!