How do you break up with your best friend

You know I don’t miss the intemacy that much.

As much as I miss coming back from work

And telling how I didn’t like anyone

Texting you ‘Baby I’m stressed ‘ every 7 minutes.

How do we go back to being friends.

That’s not normal.

And my life so private that I can’t share the pain I’m in.

So tell me

How do I deal with breaking up with maybe the love of my life .

How do I deal with this - I’ve run out of a lifetime supply of love situation.

How do I

Sit alone

In a room by myself

Without 

Quivering 

Without a single tear

My face smashed into a pillow

Smothering myself to sleep

Because

Maybe

Love

Is not for everyone.

Why doesn’t love work for me

Why do I lose all the time

2017

It’s my birthday and all of us are going out 

To McD for my treat

You’re jaywalking over the divider on the road but bending so you could still hold my hand

I clung to my best friend ,

Three of us walking by the divider on the middle of the road

 7 of my friends following behind

I’m wearing long earrings

We skipped McD and went to KFC instead

You paid for my birthday treat

I think in my head you’re a blessing .

Indifference

I feel like killing myself

Am I really that tired of twisting and pushing and fitting myself into this person I am now

I think I can’t do this anymore

This fake it till you make it nonesense

What’s this guilt about

Why do I feel something is missing all the time

Why do I feel like running away so much

What is this fantasy of mine

Running away to a far off place

Have a life where I don’t have to speak.

I don’t want to 

wake up tomorrow.

I don’t want to set things right.

I don’t want to.

Using my heart only to pump blood.

I’m not where I am supposed to be.

My personal growth stopped while I was mending relationships getting over trauma

Trying to make things right.

Why don’t I just stop.

Accept that some people are not lovable.

So till I learn how to love myself.

I won’t let love in.

It might rain love.

But I am keeping dry.

I am giving my heart a break.

Snap out of it

 I’d like to collide into you

Like an unbalanced atom 

In a magnet

Searching for my other pole

In all that frenzy

It’s tragic

And sexy

Or

I’d like to settle down

Where it’s so fucking peaceful

You can’t even call it work of breathing

Somewhere I don’t have to think so much

Where I don’t have to be brought back to reality

Revolving

Free falling

Dissolving 

And finally 

Disappearing.

Let’s meet midway or let’s meet never

I look right then left

An e rikshaw overtakes a car

A boy on his bicycle 

A star explodes somewhere

And I cross the road 

The car light blinding me

The magnetic field shifts

And I reach out for your hand for balance

The light reflecting off of the veins in your hands

A cannulatable hand

But it swings forward 

And I shake hands with air

You know what I want

To tell me 

Whatever stupid thing I wanna do next

You’re around .