Why am I keeping record of every time
I feel like I don’t belong
Like I’m trying too hard
But with no outcome
All my efforts dissipating.
At ten, I lived a little near the beach
And sometimes I would go to the road
And wonder if I would have to die
If a tsunami came via the road
Because I thought that’s how tsunamis come
In specified channels destroying targeted areas.
Somewhere when I was a kid
It got into my head that killing oneself
Is a cowardly thing to do
And I’d look down on every suicide
Like I’m better than them
I’m not a coward
And I have so many things to do
So many people to become
So I have to heal fast
So that I don’t lose it
But why is it that when
I know in my heart that
I didn’t do anything wrong
Then why do I feel so guilty.
