Like I know I'm not okay , I want to scream cry and make everything about me.
I do not know how to make sense of this .
I am the attention seeking personality I read about. But what is that disorder called when you want attention, but you keep telling yourself that you don't need this attention and you wallow up into self pity. Go into shut down.
Is it some sort of conversion disorder.
I don't know
I don't want to know.
For once
I want to be enough.
This is enough
Be like me.
I am enough.
Instead of constantly wanting to disappear, to run away to set everything on fire so that somewhere this anger will go away . Somewhere I'll stack this anxiety.
Instead I want to let my guards down. I want to walk into a still ocean naked , I want to be that twig that goes anywhere the waves go . I want to float and not feel so heavy . I want to be rich in time when my time won't be spend thinking what I'd do next , or making too many plans just so, I don't have to think. I want vacuum for a head. So it'll help me float .
