Bliss

I have so much to study right now.

But right now, I'm in the mood for wine.

I wanna sit back and actually appreciate how far I've come.

I'm so proud of myself.

I'm happy after a long time .

It's like I found a happy memory I didn't know I had.

I don't want to talk right now.

I'm okay with this , peace.

We all have so much past stuck up our throats, it's like we don't live here anymore.

We forget that these might be the memories we miss when we are older.

Last year this time. I thought things will never be the same and I won't get out of the shithole I fell into.

Things didn't stay the same. 

But life is no shithole.

I found love in the most unlikely of places.

And I can finally finally love love like how I've always wanted to.

And I'll wear my heart on my sleeve again.

Lost

I though I got over this.

When I was in school, I used to spent enormous amounts of time just staring into blank spaces.

And then somewhere life got busy and I never really went back.

But in the back of my head, it felt like I went out too much or got busy just so I can skip this .

And now it's like this habit of mine was never gone.

All I do is stare into spaces. People ask me what I'm thinking about.

I'm not.

It's all void. 

How can you not think of anything. They ask.

But I'm not lying.

I'm getting stuck.

In transition

is so weird

Why does it take so much of my energy to be happy.

Is that normal.

Why do I always feel

 in between places, inadequate, 

messed up and a little less.

I try though.

And I think I'm happy when I look happy but then I'm not sure.

 

Seems like I'm pulling my heart up a well 

And it keeps spilling out back into it .

Everything I do seems so less .

If I go out, it drains me.

If I stay in , my thoughts kill me.

Does everyone feel like an imposter in their own lives cause all you do everyday is think about how you've never really helped anyone while you owe everyone your life.